


Two Hunters and a Baby

by Vexed_Wench



Series: Baby Rowena [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adopted Children, De-Aged Rowena, Domestic Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Magical Accidents, Men of Letters Bunker, Reverse Big Bang Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 05:58:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11269347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vexed_Wench/pseuds/Vexed_Wench
Summary: This was written for the wincestreversebang on LJ.Sam and Dean's night alone in the bunker is interrupted by Crowley needing an interesting favor.





	Two Hunters and a Baby

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Two Hunters and a Baby - Art Post](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11264190) by [TxDorA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TxDorA/pseuds/TxDorA). 



> Thanks to Kiramaru7 for the betaing.

   
"I just rocked your world." Dean grinned as he rolled over on the bed. “You have to admit I did rock the bunker."  
   
"I will say you rocked the bed. I don't think there was the odd slope to the right before tonight," Sam agreed in a bored tone.  
   
"I'll show you an odd slope," Dean practically growled as he pulled Sam over to him.  
   
"As much as I'm enjoying this little performance, I really need your help," Crowley interjected from the foot of the bed.  
   
"Sam, I thought you were going to plug up all the cracks that he could use to sneak back in here." Dean poked his brother in the shoulder.  
   
"Why bother? You know that he’ll always find another way in here," Sam reminded him.  
   
"Why is he in _my_ bedroom?" Dean moaned.  
   
"I think he _likes_ you," Sam whispered.  
   
"Oh, you two think you're so clever." Crowley rolled his eyes at their antics.  
   
"Nope, I'm hot and he's adorable," Dean smirked. He wisely dodged the punch that he knew was coming to his shoulder.  
   
"I think you're both insane. As much as it pains me to admit this, I need your help," Crowley admitted.  
   
"Sammy, did you hear that? The big bad King of Hell needs little ‘ole us to help him." Dean batted his eyelashes at Sam.  
   
"Oh for the love of... this is serious," Crowley fumed from the end of the bed.  
   
"Fine, what could you possibly want from us?" Dean asked.  
   
"That requires a bit of show and tell. I would say it also requires pants." Crowley turned on his heel and walked out of the bedroom.  
   
"Okay, that was weird. What do you think he wants from us?" Sam wondered aloud.  
   
"Last time I checked we didn't work for him. Doesn't he have underlings or toadies to fulfill his crazy ass whims?" Dean was annoyed.  
   
"To be fair, we do have a fucked up relationship with him. How many times do we summon him for things?" Sam reminded him.  
   
"That's different." Dean sulked as he pulled on a pair of sweats.  
   
"Of course it is." Sam rolled his eyes and grabbed the clothes he'd been wearing, before they went to bed.  
   
"Tell us why you broke into our place to demand a favor in the middle of the night." Sam walked into the kitchen, followed by Dean.  
   
"I need you two chuckleheads to save someone."  
   
Dean looked over at Sam and saw the worried expression on his face. He was glad they were on the same page about Crowley's little proposition.  
   
"The _King_ himself can't save this person. Wow, who is it?" Dean asked him.  
   
"I never said I couldn't save her. What you're saving her from is _me_. If I have to watch her one more minute I will kill her."  
   
"One of your demons get out of line?" Dean laughed at the idea.  
   
"It's worse than a demon dispute. That would be easy enough, I’d kill that one without any trace of guilt or remorse." Crowley's eyes blazed with the thought.  
   
"So, who is this unfortunate soul that needs shielding from your evilness?" Sam quipped.  
   
"Boys, you know my _mother_." Crowley placed a basket on the table.  
   
"What part of her did you bring?" Dean asked with none of the humor from earlier.  
   
"Don't be macabre. I can guarantee you she is alive and well." Crowley poked the basket and the room was suddenly filled with the sound of crying baby.  
   
"Crowley, why did you bring a baby into our bunker?" Dean wondered what was really was going on.  
   
"A few weeks ago, I learned the spell she was using to keep her youthful appearance. I had a momentary lapse in judgment and thought if I could take her back to a time when she wasn't a bitter old hag that maybe we could have a better relationship. That maybe she could be a better person. I _may_ have been a little more heavy handed with the ingredients then I should've been. Instead of being a sweet young woman, she wound up a cranky unhappy baby." Crowley snapped the blanket off of the top of the basket with as much flair as a magician.  
   
The brothers peered into the basket with an identical look of shock on their faces.  
   
"That's really a..." Dean started to say.  
   
"A baby. It's really Rowena?" Sam finished Dean's thought.  
   
"Yes, now can you see my dilemma? I don't have time to raise my mother." Crowley shuddered at the very thought.  
   
"So, you thought we had enough time?" Sam asked him.  
   
"Really what part of me and Sam scream my two dads for your mom?"  
   
"The part where I need someone that is good with kids. Besides, I almost trust you two," Crowley said in a bored tone.  
   
"Good with kids? How the hell would you know if we were good with kids?" Dean asked him.  
   
"Jolly Green over there didn't die, before his third birthday. We _all_ know that wasn't due to John Winchester's perfected child rearing techniques. We know he didn't leave you in the loving care of nannies, so that means you raised him. You're more than qualified to raise Mother." Crowley rolled his eyes.  
"That was different," Dean argued.  
   
"Excuse us a minute." Sam grabbed Dean's elbow and dragged him out of the kitchen.  
   
"What? You can’t be seriously thinking about doing this? What do you think's going to happen? I know, let me tell you, he's going to dump her off and forget about her. Are you really going to put everything on hold for the next sixteen or eighteen years?" Dean ran his fingers through his hair.  
   
"Hear me out, before you go rushing back in there to knock him on his smarmy ass. We know how powerful Rowena will become. Hell, she most likely still is for all we know. Do you really want that much power to fall in anyone else hands? Think about what a lower level demon or a novice witch could train her to do. If they did pull it off, they'll knock his ass off of his throne and then what? Can you imagine the war that will spill over onto us? I don’t want to be sucked into a second rate apocalypse," Sam said.  
   
"So you want us to take her in and raise her? How exactly do we do that?" Dean was not about to budge.  
   
"We can work the finer details out later."  
   
"The finer details of how the hell we will afford to take care of her. You and I live pretty cheaply and simple. I know babies aren't either of those things. Plus we’ll need all the basic shit. We need to put together a whole fucking nursery. Do you have that much disposable cash? I know I don't. We can't use a fake card anywhere around here. Speaking of here, how do we explain that we suddenly have a surprise baby?" Dean crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Sam. He still could recall how hard it'd been to make ends meet when they were little.  
   
"Fine, you want to do this now, we'll do this now. Next time we go into town we'll take her along and either introduce her as a niece, or second cousin. If you want, we can have a huge fight about how much of a bastard I am that I cheated on you and look you have the proof. Poor Dean made to raise his lover's bastard kid.  
   
“I know Crowley will get us the legit paperwork we need to prove she's ours. Also, one of the stipulations we’ll make him agree to, will be that he has to pay some kind of support," Sam argued his case.  
   
"Yes, I'll pay. You want official birth records; I will have them by the end of the morning. I'll pay whatever you want. I'll even sweeten the deal with unlimited help on anything you're hunting, except yours truly of course. There's still a hands off order on the both of you as far as Hell is concerned. I swear I will keep it in place as long as you keep _her_ ," Crowley promised as he walked over to them.  
   
"I still think this is going to suck," Dean mumbled.  
   
"That just means you reserve the right to tell me ‘I told you so’ every time something goes wrong," Sam smirked.  
   
Dean knew he'd lost. He sighed.  
   
"One quick question for the paperwork you requested. Who is going to claim the little witch?" Crowley asked them.  
   
"Does it really matter?" Dean said.  
   
"Well, you and mother both have a classic beauty, while Sam shares her quick wit. I guess it really doesn't matter; either one of you could be daddy dearest," Crowley mused, before popping out of the room.  
   
"Did he just say I was classically beautiful?" Dean asked.  
   
"Yeah, I think he still has a secret wish that you'll be his Prince Charming or something." Sam laughed.  
   
"There's a sick thought." Dean mimed that he was vomiting.  
   
"You have the legs to pull of the tights." Sam grinned.  
   
"I also have the legs to kick your ass," Dean swore.  
   
"How is that even a thing?" Sam the bastard laughed at him.  
   
"You'll see how it's a thing when I kick your ass later," Dean promised.  
   
"Sure you will. Before we do that, could we maybe come up with a plan?" Sam asked him.  
   
"Sam, we need more than a plan. We need help." Dean walked back towards the library.  
   
"I can't believe he just left her on the table." Sam stood over the basket.  
   
"What a dick. Even when we were little I never left you alone on something this high." Dean shook his head.  
   
"To be fair, you had a crash course from Mom." Sam bumped his shoulder into Dean's.  
   
"That's true. She used to tell me what was good for Baby Sammy and what I should never ever do for Baby Sammy."  
   
"What could you've done that was that bad?" Sam asked him.  
   
"There was the time I wanted to take you to the park and she said, ‘no.’ She later found me, trying to stuff you in the basket on my bike. I remember I just got the bike and I wanted to take you for a ride. Dad swore the training wheels would never let me fall. I thought if I won't fall, then Sammy can't fall. It sounded like a good plan at the time. Mom was not happy. I think that was the maddest I've ever seen her at anyone. She'd never been that mad at me before. She was so mad; she scared the crap out of me that day. I'm not kidding! I thought she was going to breathe fire on me or something." Dean sat down at the table near Rowena's basket.  
   
"If that's the only thing you did, then it's not so bad." Sam grinned.  
   
"That was the only serious thing I'd done. The rest of the shit was all stupid crap," Dean told him as he folded his arms on the table to rest his head on.  
   
"You did stupid crap to me? I find that hard to believe." Sam laughed and sat next to Dean at the table. He knew he was lucky that Dean had taken such good care of him. He hated to think how badly his life would have been, if Dean had been one of those kids that resented sharing anything with the new baby.  
   
"When you were a baby, I was still a little kid myself. It's not like I was born the awesome know it all big brother I am today." Dean tried not to think of the truly horrifying things he'd dealt with those first few months he spent with Sam, after their mother's death.  
   
"I know that. I just doubt you would ever do anything that was even a little risky when we were little," Sam explained.  
   
"It was different when Mom was still there. When we still lived in a real house and not in the cheap motels and the Impala. I was just your big brother. But as your big bro, I was dumbfounded that Mom wouldn't feed you real food. Most of it I was like oh okay the baby can't eat whatever it was I was eating. The only thing I couldn't get over was the no bacon for the baby rule. I remember asking why you couldn't have bacon. In my mind, it was just Mom being mean. She explained that you didn't have teeth," Dean confided in Sam as if that explained the whole story.  
   
"Why do I get the feeling that there's more to this story?" Sam couldn't wait to hear what Dean had done that still bothered him all these years later.  
   
"It's ridiculous, you have to remember Dad and I had just built a birdhouse together. It was our special project for the month. I thought it was the neatest thing ever. I wanted a backyard full of birds. I wanted to have some in the house, but Mom said there was no way she would have birds in her house. We read books about birds and watched anything on TV that had to do with birds." Dean remembered the conversations with her about buying him a bird. She refused to budge.  
   
"It’s funny with your fear of flying that you were so into birds. I don’t ever remember you wanting one when we were little. I still don't see what birds have to do with me or bacon?" Sam mused.  
   
"I don't know if you know this, but mommy birdies chew the worms for the baby birds. I figured if it was good enough for baby birds, it was good enough for baby Sammy. Our Mom didn't see the beauty of my logic." Dean buried his face in the crock of his elbow.  
   
"Dude, you fed my pre-chewed bacon?" Sam laughed at the idea. It was so wrong and yet, so Dean.  
   
"It was bacon. You were being deprived," Dean said in a haughty tone.  
   
"One of the reasons you will always be the most awesome big brother that ever lived." Sam kissed his temple.  
   
   
"Did he leave us a diaper bag?" Dean asked, changing the subject, as he scanned the room, looking for anything that Crowley might've left.  
   
"A car seat would be handy as well. I'm thinking one of us needs to make a supply run, while the other one stays with her." Sam wasn't sure which idea he liked less. "Rock, Paper, Scissors?" he suggested.  
   
“The winner goes or stays?" Dean asked.  
   
"The winner gets to go shopping."  
   
“Okay,” Dean agreed as he tossed Sam the keys.  
   
"Huh...” was all Sam managed as he caught them.  
   
"We both know you'll win, so just go and hurry back."  
   
"Rowena, what are we going to do with you?" Dean wondered what Crowley really had been planning when he messed with her magic. His story was believable, but there was something about the way he told it that made Dean suspicious. He took his phone out and debated about, who he should call for advice.  He scrolled through his contact list twice and had to admit there were only two choices that made any sense. It would have to be either Jody or their mother.  
   
What would Mom say? She was still having trouble processing the fact that they were grown men. He knew it must be hard for her. It wasn't that long ago that she was in Heaven with John and her little boys. She would know what they needed for a baby. How would they explain who she was and why they had her? Sam's two dads story was a good one. Everyone suspected they were a couple anyway. He really didn't want to have the “incest is very okay if you're a consenting adult” chat with their mother. He was equally as sure she wouldn't want to hear it.  
   
Jody, on the other hand, knew Crowley and knew what kind of a bastard he could be. She wouldn't think twice about him trying to get one over on Rowena. She would also understand why he would turn to the brothers for help. They'd have a hard time trying to explain their relationship with Crowley to their mother. She thought they should've killed him years ago. They argued that he really was a handy ally as long as they remembered they couldn't completely trust him. That only seemed to strengthen her resolve that Crowley should've been dead years ago.  
   
A quick glance at the clock told him that neither lady would appreciate a call at three forty-five in the morning. That was unless someone was missing a limb or on the verge of death. If he were honest with himself, even then he would think twice about calling them.  
   
"Why did we agree to this? I have to be honest with you. We have no clue what we're doing and I still think Sammy's crazy. But I have to admit he probably is right. The thought of you being raised by someone that will manipulate you scares me more than the thought of us trying to mold you into a good person," Dean confided in Rowena.  
   
Dean looked at her sleeping face and had to remind himself that just because she looked sweet and innocent she was still Rowena at the core. He wondered what happened to turn her into the woman they knew. If he and Sam did manage to raise her right, did that mean she would be a better person? What if they fucked up and she grew up worse?    
   
He was surprised that Sam hadn't called panicked over what he should buy. As far as he knew the only time Sam had ever spent with a baby was when they had the shifter baby. Not that he had that much more experience himself. Unless you counted the years he took care of Sam.  
   
Now he knew how badly he fucked up things with Sam when they were little. He did the best he could, but a four-year-old will always have faulty logic. He had seen enough daytime television to know that no matter what anyone says Sam turned out pretty damned awesome. They both did all things considered. They may not be normal in the regular world. Sadly, even in some of the hunting circles they still caught some odd looks. With enough time and world disasters, he decided what mattered was what they thought about each other and themselves.  
   
"I've got to quit watching daytime television.  At least you're the only one to hear what Sam would think was my inner old lady," he told Rowena.  
   
He wondered what was taking Sam so long to get back. He glanced at Rowena to make sure she was still asleep and decided that if he were going to be awake, he should make something to eat. He doubted Sam would think about bringing anything home that was precooked. Chances were if he did think about it, it would be some terribly healthy good for them crap. Dean could hear it now, _We've got a baby now. We have to be smarter about things._ Sam was always looking for a reason to shove the healthy crap down Dean's throat.  
   
"Finally!" he called out when he heard Sam in the other room.  
   
"You missed me?" Sam asked as he set the bags on the table.  
   
"I was worried she would need a diaper, before you came back with them."  
   
"Has she been asleep the whole time?" Sam peeked at her in the basket.  
   
"I'm as shocked as you are." Dean shrugged and reached for the bags.  
   
The one was full of diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, and a box of rice cereal.  
   
"Why the cereal?" He looked at the box for more information.  
   
"I scanned a few articles while I tried not to hyperventilate in the parking lot." Sam shrugged his shoulders.  
   
"You did baby research?" Dean laughed at the idea.  
   
"How else would I know what to get? I wasn't sure if she needed the jarred food or just formula."  
   
"Did you get a car seat?" Dean figured Sam would've left it in the backseat.  
   
"No, we'll have to hit a bigger store tomorrow. I didn't go any further than the Gas n' Gulp down the block."  
   
"Wait, you bought the baby stuff from the gas station. I guess life does go full circle." Dean laughed. "Did you at least grab anything worth eating while you were out?" Dean was still hopeful.  
   
"Yeah, the other bag has a bunch of different snack cakes and crap in it."  
   
"You bought a bag of snack cakes?" Dean laughed at the very idea.  
   
"There weren't many choices. I didn't think you wanted to wait while I drove to the dinner. I doubted either of us are in a mood to cook. I'm sure we'll survive bingeing on junk food." Sam dumped the bag of snacks on the table.  
   
"Wow, how much did you spend on this? You would've killed me if I spent this much on _empty calories_." Dean grabbed a couple of mini pies from the middle of the pile.  
   
"If you're complaining, I can toss them and go make you some healthier." Sam reached over to grab Dean's pies.  
   
"Bitch, try it and lose a hand," Dean promised and shoved an entire mini pie in his mouth.  
   
"That's gross, Jerk." Sam grinned despite himself as he handed Dean a beer.  
   
Dean smiled at him, knowing his teeth were covered in cherry pie filling.  
   
"Don't pick up his bad habits," Sam whispered to Rowena.    
   
"I wonder how many of her own bad habits she still has," Dean countered.  
   
"At least they won't be piled on with Crowley's," Sam pointed out to him.  
   
"She would be lucky to be able to emulate me," Crowley sounded insulted by the thought.  
   
"What brings you back here?" Dean wisely grabbed his beer and had a swallow, before he asked.  
   
"The paperwork you requested." Crowley slid a large envelope towards Dean.  
   
Dean grabbed it, curious to see what Crowley thought was important.  
   
"We’ve adopted her? Why did we do that?" Dean wondered.  
   
"It's not like you two can have a baby on your own. When the opportunity presented itself you both jumped at it," Crowley explained.  
   
"Why weren't we more prepared?" Sam wondered.  
   
"It was very last minute," Crowley said, dismissing Sam's comment with a wave of his hand.  
   
"So last minute we don't have a nursery for her," Dean reminded them.  
   
"You have one now," Crowley smirked.  
   
Sam picked Rowena up and followed Crowley down the hallway. Dean followed a step behind them. They stopped at the room across from Dean's. He thought that would be convenient for the late night feedings. Dean watched as Sam stood in the doorway with his mouth hanging open.  
   
"This has to be good if it rendered you speechless." Dean laughed and stood behind Sam to get a better look.  
   
"Crowley!" Sam bellowed.  
   
"Moose?" Crowley innocently asked as he approached the doorway.  
   
"How could you put this monstrosity in our home?" Sam demanded.  
   
"Human babies like clowns." Crowley shrugged his shoulders.  
   
"I want them gone," Sam demanded.  
   
Dean was surprised he was reacting as calmly as he was. There wasn't a spot in the room that didn't have a clown on it. There was even a mural on the ceiling of a circus with plenty of animals and clowns.  
   
"I'm sure it will grow on you," Crowley tried to convince him.  
   
"I want them gone and you as well," Sam spat through gritted teeth.  
   
Dean watched as Rowena lifted her tiny hand and pointed at Crowley. The next thing he knew Crowley was gone.  
   
"Did she just get rid of Crowley?" Sam wondered.  
   
"Maybe?" Dean wasn't sure, "Now what do we do?"  
   
"We find out if she did that or he did." Sam stopped speaking when a rag doll dressed as a clown floated towards them and nestled in Rowena's basket.  
   
"Huh. I guess it was her," Sam mumbled.  
   
"You were right. She still is powerful. I am very glad she's on our side. Let's put her down for a nap and grab some sleep ourselves," Dean suggested, taking her from Sam. He had no fear of clowns and would make quick work of getting her settled.

Tomorrow would be a busy day. They needed to talk to Jody and ask her if she had a number for the twins they met at Asia's funeral. He was starting to think they could use a friendly witch on their side to help. They were definitely in over their heads, but they were Winchesters; they would survive. Who knew, maybe this would be a start of a whole new era for them. Dean was looking forward to finding out.


End file.
